50/50 Love…Really?


Teddy Pendergrass, (March 26, 1950-Jan 13,2010) was the former lead singer of Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes.  One of his greatest songs (in my opinion) was entitled “When Somebody Loves You Back”.  The song was simply moving as love songs go, the melody, the upbeat tempo  of the music and his wonderful baritone voice all came together creating an exquisite atmosphere and  moment for romance.  I would go so far as to say the only reason a person did not like that song was because they were lying some where six feet under with the dirt piled on  so high they could not hear him sing it.

The other day I was listening to the song and I thought of my wife.  After a moment of reflection I realized there could be a problem with the premise of the song.  “Said not 70/30, not 60-40 talking about a 50/50 love.” I believe I know what he means to say — something akin to viewing a person as a priority in your life, while you are only a mere option in theirs.  But in truth,  If I were to approach my marriage as though it were a 50/50 proposition the chances for mutual fulfillment and it’s success would be about as good as a one-tooth man in a corn cob eating contest.

It seems to me that a marriage based on a 50/50 foundation will not long survive.  I have in the past adopted a 50 percent mentality.  I’ll give you my 50 percent…that’s cool…the other 50 percent left is mine to do with as I please (think “have cake and eat it too” or better yet, think cake and someone else’s ice cream).  As long as I provide my 50 percent what’s the beef?  I’m no expert on the subject of marriage, far from it ( those that know me know that’s true).  However, I’ve seen and experienced enough to know that there will be times when 50/50 is not enough.  It won’t do.  You’re gonna need 60/40 or 70/30 to see  this thing through.

So what’s your take on this?  In your opinion am I on base here or not?  You know I can’t end without saying…

Have A Great Day!

For any of my readers across the pond and not familiar with Teddy Pendergrass or his music access YouTube.

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About nobusysignal

Educated, interested and very much alive!
This entry was posted in compassion, friendship, life, willingness to change and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to 50/50 Love…Really?

  1. Lisa says:

    I love your writing and yes believe you are on base. A 50/50 love

  2. IntrigueMe says:

    I’ve never heard the song before, but I happen to agree with you. 50/50 is great most of the time, but sometimes the balance needs to shift a little either way. So long as the balance is occasionally shifted in both directions as needed, it technically ends up being even in the end anyway 🙂

  3. melanie says:

    I recognize the 50/50 relationship myth…and have come to the conclusion that it was and still is a good sum of numbers to go by in a relationship. The thing that gets me about this is that no matter how hard a couple tries to keep the numbers even they never add up right, maybe it’s an accounting error, who knows. I know just in my own marriage of 12 1/2 years that the scales always tilt…which side it goes…nobody knows. I love the “one tooth man eating corn on the cobb” lol! Love ya Dad/mucher!!

    • melanie says:

      I need to make myself a little clearer…I think 50/50 is a myth, theory. If you like to live in a fantasy world of marriage its a good sum of numbers. It is oneness, a oneness that requires sacrifice I believe that’s why the whole percentage thing came about…I see it as an analogy to everyday married life (the percentage thing).

  4. corymbia says:

    I’d say 100/100 is needed (OK – a bit of mathematical licence there) … but if each spouse puts in 100% care, attention, effort and LOVE for most of the time then hopefully that will carry the relationship through.
    I was only with my husband for 17 years (married for 12.5) … but we would have made 60 years if Greg had lived! For us, if one or both of us were feeling down or tired or frurtrated, that 100% commitment carried us through the rough patches…. and the love and respect we shared meant that we held each other up. I miss that.

  5. Joyce says:

    I’ve heard that a piece of man (woman) is better than no man (woman) at all…I take exception to that statement…..100% should be given…just like you love God with all your heart…there’s still that 100% you can give to that special someone….or..what 50% do I actually get???? the top, the bottom, the front, the back…the dumb part, the smart part….etc… Om just sayin…

  6. Keli Edwards says:

    I thought that the message that he was trying to get across was that if you want your relationship to be 100 percent you each have to do 50 percent of the work to get it there.Not 70/30 or 60/40 but 50/50! Each person working as hard as the other person, not one putting in all the effort! That’s how I interpret the song. And if that is indeed what he meant, then I welcome a 50/50 Love!

  7. Deborah says:

    Well, my thought on this is 50/50 will never work. In a marriage, I want all of you because we are one, therefore, I must expect to give all of me back to get what I want from you which is love and committment. The only thing that will work would be 100/100. Whole is always better than half. If we are one and we are only giving 50% of each other to the marriage, then we are not whole, we are incomplete. And this is why a lot of marriages do not work. There is a great unfulfilled hole. Therefore, people go out to find something to fill up that other half of the whole (pun intended).

  8. Crystal says:

    Good ONE! Now for me, 50/50 does not represent equality in a relationship because I could give 50% and my better half could give 50% only represening half of what I could do for you and visa-versa. If you depend on the 50/50 (theory) then find yourself doing 70/30, its going to make you more susceptible to anger, depression and hopelessness because you’re always going to EXPECT the “other” one to step up…. quickly . So (in my opinion) BOTH should strive for that 100% (each) and not think about 50/50, 70/30 ect.. because when you do you give EXTRA and it create an abudant amount of respect, love and hope that could sustain a relationship if it were to go through ROUGH times. Plus, not only does it strengthens the relationship but also you as a person.

  9. Gwenola says:

    Where do we get these numbers from? how can we divide one– the scripture says the two shall be come ONE flesh together. we need to put our concerted efforts into being ONE . Giving of ourselves is number ONE in any relationship especially when we talk of marriage. We must begin rid ourselves of the notion that numbers will make a good marriage 50/50 none-sense 70/30 not going to happen —who decide when we get to 70 % we have done our part where is the book of % when i get to the % mark to say that it…you have put in your %— i have done my part. ONENESS doesnot keep a score card— the question is–how much of myself will i give in order to make my marriage work. ALL. focusing on how we can be ONE will i(n my opionion )eleviate the burden in trying to keep score on how much they other has done or the lack there of…

  10. Gwenola says:

    oh by the way loooooov Teddy and the song…….its true to what i say give love back cause it is coming to u—receive it

  11. I really loved this blog, M. I’ve never been married but I believe anything that’s important enough to us deserves our best. I hope one day when I do meet someone I care enough about to commit to that we’ll be wise enough to try and give our best all the time.

  12. melanie says:

    I agree with you Gwenola…I believe that in marriage there is a give and take. When one is down the other steps in, when one is sick the other helps to care…when one can’t do the other makes away. That’s how I think a marriage should be, but when One is always the giver and the other always the taker that is out of balance. I see the percentages as an analogy of balance in marriages.

  13. Crystal Owen says:

    I agree 150%!!! you are very enlightened Morris

  14. Tom Stuart says:

    Very thought provoking post. Thanks, I love your blog. I am a 100%’er myself. I tend to think of percentages in relationships as measures of devotion. In my view anything less than FULL 100% devotion on both parties part to one another and to the marriage is a prescription for trouble. Granted, in the real world it doesn’t always work that way. But that is the worthiest of goals. My thought is that measuring commitment in fractions can lead to keeping a running score and that in turn can end up causing trouble with hurts and accusations. I just think there are other ways to talk about the marriage relationship than percentages. Give and take, compromises and even sacrifices are all part of any marriage relationship. But when we get into trying to keep an even score, that could be trouble with a capital “T”. I may be too idealistic here and missing the point, just my thoughts.

  15. Keli Edwards says:

    I love the song! Great for hand dancing. My interpretation is that you have two people who love, want, and need each other just the same. Both people are putting in all of theirself. You do your half and I’ll do mine (50/50) and we will keep it 100. “Feels so good, lovin somebody when somebody loves you back!” That is the first line of the song.

  16. STEPHANIE WRAY. says:

    I BEILIVE IT SHOULD BE 100% ON BOTHE SIDES, BUT THAT IS RARELY FOUND THESE DAYS THEIRS ALWAYS GONNA BE 1 WHO WILL LOVE, HONOR RESPECT, CHERRISH, AND JUST GIVING THEIR ALL MORE THAN THE OTHER . WHILE THE OTHER TAKES ADVANTEDGE OF THE ONLY 1 WHO MAY EVER LOVE HIM OR HER THAT WAY. BUT IN AN IDEAL WORLD ,MY WORLD I WILL EXCEPT NOTHING LESS BECAUSE I’M WORTH IT AND I NO I WOULD GIVE MY PARTNER WHAT I WOULD LIKE IN RETURN,PURE LOVE.

  17. moisan says:

    I just read your blog. I dont agree with your 50 50 love blog is loving half the way. I think that the love of 100 % is both your and the other person’s love combined and 70 30 is when he or she loves u more than u love them.
    I agree however if love has to work someone has to step up when they need to step up.
    for love to be strong both must love equally so that each person wouldnt take advantage of each other
    In this world of thriving equality, it is no longer a taboo for men to do house chores or see about their children (kids represents young goats!). It doesnt mean he loves u more, it just means he has stepped up. We need more stepping up or down as need be cuz both of us stepping up in some instances may lead to conflict.

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