Up In The Rafters


I had some trying moments yesterday involving some one quite dear to me.  I spoke rather harshly to this person and later, after thinking about it and particularly the part I played in it, I knew I needed to apologize.  One thing I’ve learned about the world of apologies is that just because you offer one doesn’t mean it will be readily accepted and all is hunky-dory.  Ill-spoken words hurt.  They cut deeply and can (do) linger.  Thus, the imperative to speak thoughtfully, sparingly and never to be reactionary.

Even though my heart felt apology was extended, it was understandably not readily accepted and quite frankly, rejected.  The feelings were still too raw to the verbal touch and no amount of remorseful suave from me could remedy the moment.  I clearly understood the situation and what I was facing was deserved…I’ve been on the receiving end of verbal barbs and I know how they hurt.  Sometimes  apologies ( even though well meant) can be ill timed, It’s kinda like dropping a Migraine in the middle of a headache– no good can be achieved at that moment and it is better to back off and let time do it’s thing.

One thing about offenses, even though they may require time to heal they must be dealt with and never left unresolved because an unresolved offense doesn’t just go away. Figuratively speaking,they become like birds that fly up into the mental rafters and perch there. They occupy time and space, they roost and make nests and leave toxic droppings. Left unresolved, it will look like something straight out of Alfred Hitchcock.

The word picture stated above should keenly illustrate the self inflicted damage incurred when we fail to deal with perceived offenses and especially when left to accumulate.  I am actually injuring myself when I hold onto offenses and won’t forgive and let go.  I can blame no one else for my state of mind.  As some one once said “Every tub gotta set on it’s own bottom.”

I think often on the words of Dr. Joseph Murphy PhD.  “The world I live in is determined largely by what goes in my mind.”

Thanks again for sharing some of your time with my time, and as always…

Have A Great Day!

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About nobusysignal

Educated, interested and very much alive!
This entry was posted in Anger, compassion, Consequences, Forgiveness, life, willingness to change and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Up In The Rafters

  1. corymbia says:

    Very Profound.

  2. IntrigueMe says:

    I used to be the type to blurt things out, but then I got sick of choking on my feet so I started thinking about things first. Trouble was, when I tried to have a calm, rational discussion about it, it wasn’t received very well and ended up offending my friends anyway. So, I started pulling away in order to cultivate a more tactful way of saying what was on my mind, but I never actually came to any conclusions on how to do that. All I ended up doing was distancing myself from people I cared about and leaving my feelings unresolved and them confused as to why I was pulling away.

    And so… I’m not sure there ever is a “good” way to go about things. People say that if you communicate properly and approach things in a rational fashion that they’ll listen… but they don’t. People get offended easily, they get defensive. Advice I live by is “pick your battles” and if it’s a battle worth fighting, then sometimes you literally do need to duke it out to get it resolved.

    If you find a better way, please clue me in on the details!

    • nobusysignal says:

      Hey, thanks so much. Your comment is exactly what I seek, some one who has a constructive counter point-alternative view based on experience, the dialogue it self brings us closer to truth in healing and dealing with anger, confrontations and forgiveness.

  3. Renee' says:

    So true and an excellent blog! Thank you for sharing this with us.

  4. godcrazzzy says:

    man this is so deep its falling off my page. i like it. especially this line “It’s kinda like dropping a Migraine in the middle of a headache…” caz its so true.

  5. valecia says:

    nice post — cuz. very deep……….

  6. Tom Stuart says:

    Thanks for being so real about your experience. The harsh reality is that apologizing doesn’t alway go as well as we would hope. It is the right thing to do nonetheless and is certain to do a deep and good work in us through the process. Your thoughts also should encourage all of us when we are on the receiving end of an offense and an apology to be as gracious as we can. Asking God’s help in forgiveness is certain to make a difference.

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