“Papa Was A Rollin’ Stone”

The question was asked ” If papa was a rollin’ stone, do you get him a Father Day gift?”  My dad was just that — a rollin’ stone — an absentee father.  And it hurt.  It hurt then as child and it still hurts now.  (My father is passed on, deceased some 12 years now)  My first time going fishing my father took me.  On my sixth birthday, my dad brought a cake over to our apartment.  It did not taste as sweet as expected.  I recall hearing him tell my mother that he did not buy the cake, that he made it himself and used bacon grease in place of the oil the recipe called for.  That cake and my dad together at the same time — it was the most memorable birthday I had as a youth!

There were long periods of time when I would not see my dad.  Many times I recall looking at cars as they drove by, hoping it would be my father so I could call out to him and he would see me and stop.  If he called on the phone I would plead with him to come over for a visit.  That rarely happened.

Once when my mother was away and my sisters and I were hungry, I tried to feed us.  I took fish that was in the freezer, put it in a frying fan and turned the eye on.  There was a knock at the door.  It was my father.  One of my sisters let him in.  He looked at me standing at the stove and asked “Where is your mother?”  We told him we did not know,   He turned back to me and in anger told me that I was doing it wrong — that the fish needed to be thawed out first before frying it.  Then he walked out –leaving me at the stove with a frozen fish searing on one side and my hungry sisters bewildered.

In 1994, I graduated from The University of Akron with a Masters of Arts degree in Geography.  To spite my father, I intentionally gave a ticket to attend the graduation ceremony to his brother — not him.  When he found out, he was offended (as I knew he would be).  I excused my actions by saying I did not know how to find him.  The truth is I could have tracked him down if I’d wanted to.  I did not want to.  To this day I regret ever doing that to him.

On June 17th of 1998, my dad died after 3 weeks in hospice care in a nursing home.  He never spent a moment alone there, literally.  My sisters and I were there at his beside the whole time.  After he took his last breath, the attending nurse said she would send an aide in to clean him up (his bowels had released).  I said “No, he’s my father I’ll do it.”  I shaved him as well, then kissed him on the lips and said “Bye Dad,  I love you”.

The question was ” If papa was a rollin’ stone should you get him a Fathers Day gift?”

The answer is…YES.  Love says YES.


About nobusysignal

Educated, interested and very much alive!
This entry was posted in Anger, compassion, Consequences, Forgiveness, life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to “Papa Was A Rollin’ Stone”

  1. Cheryl "Wray says:

    Wow, that was pretty powerful. The bacon grease in the cake is hilarious. It was also good advice, I agree 100%. No matter what wrongs someone may throw your way, it does your soul no good to repeat the wrong when your heart knows better.

  2. davehambo says:

    I’m delighted to read from someone in the blogolake today about an imperfect father; mine was and I was. One day I pluck up courage to tell all, not just yet though. Have a good as day as possible…

  3. Doraz says:

    Your story made me realize that you are a person who haves love and caring in their hearts. You stayed focuesed and strong, and did what you knew you had to do. I wish, for your dad’s sake, he was able to realize the gift he had in you. Happy Father’s day. 🙂

  4. godcrazzzy says:

    really powerful and so true. God bless.

  5. haha, cooking mishaps

    my little cousin once tried to bake a cake by spilling all the ingredients onto the floor, opening the curtains, and letting the sun shine in.
    good times

  6. a24ksmile says:

    Very nice. I know mom felt much the same as you and I do remember he was never alone at the end.

  7. tazz4vr says:

    My heart goes out to you… My parents divorced when I was about 11 years old. Through the years all I had of my dad were the color of his eyes, nothing more. My mom was able to raise us, a total of 5, on her own without any support, whether emotionally or financially from him. And then we were blessed by the actions and unconditional love and support of our father, despite no children of his own, he took on the responsibility of helping to raise 5 children, who at the time ranged in ages from 2 years to 15 years old. A wonderful man his is.

    • tazz4vr says:

      oops… my spelling-think tank is on hiatus! Last sentence should read, A wonderful man he is.

  8. tomlstuart says:

    A very moving and powerful story. Two years ago I was honored to be at my father’s bedside when he passed on to glory. It was a holy moment that I shall never forget. There is potential for such a powerful spiritual experience in this right of passage between father and son. It can help us heal, leave behind and literally transcend all the negatives and enable us to be inheritors of all the positives. You are to be commended for rising to the occasion and doing just that! Wow!

  9. corymbia says:

    That’s love, right there.

  10. Doraz says:

    Hope your week ROCKS. 🙂

  11. Hi nobusy, great post. I think we all have stories about our dads and some of them can be very painful. Like everything else in life we have to choose how we respond to the actions of others. My poem about my relationship with my father helped me to release some of things I still held on to and aided in the healing process. Thanks for the encouragement and your time.

  12. gmomj says:

    Hey there,
    I found your entry especially interesting as forgiveness for my own abusive father though not absentee unfortunately, has not come.
    You can read my blog entry title,”Korea Casts A Very Long Shadow”, People who forgive and even love are always an intense curiosity to me.
    I will follow your writings.
    oh and btw
    also got myself 6 kids and grandbabies on earth and cooking.
    Great stuff.

  13. mlcurry5 says:

    I remember you telling me this story…and I wanted to cry, but I didn’t because of who you are today. We all have flaws and do things that we regret, everyday sometimes. My Dad is a very intelligent, smart and witty…very funny man. I remember as a little girl how I loved to wait for my dad to come home from work. I knew when he should arrive, so I would wait on the porch or on the steps, in the living room of our house, for him to come in the door from work. He would always go take a shower and get in the bed to sleep. I would lay down with him, put my back against his back until he went to sleep, snoring and all. When he was sleep I’d go finish playing. My dad asked me one day “why did you do that?” and I said ” I don’t know…I just felt like I needed to do that”. Today we call this “back time”.
    I liked to watch everything he did, and still do, actually he is the reason why I love to read because he always had a book in his hand or with him somewhere. He made reading look like an adventure and I wanted to be apart of it, so I started reading like him. I like your post Dad because it shows me how you loved Granddad and it shows how I love you.

  14. springawaits says:

    Thank you for stopping by. Not sure how you found me but glad you did. I grew up in a single parent household without a father who lived across town. I still have a small Ziggy birthday book he gave me as a birthday present. It is the only gift he sent me. All other gifts were from my grandmother, with a card she signed with both their names, and it was always a purse and pantyhose. My mom passed away almost 13 yrs ago and my dad is on dialysis in Texas. Still can not see him as a “father” but we talk. My blog is dealing with my divorce and writing through my anger, hurt, disappointment and still trying to live my faith as a Christian who believes in the covenant of marriage. We both come from divorced homes and now my husband has passed that legacy onto our children. God is in control, but I always seem to think I know better. I will subscribe to your blog 🙂

  15. Samuel II says:

    Very insightful and very true. It is important that we love and honor our parents regardless of their actions towards us.

    Thank you for sharing.

  16. Ellery says:

    This hits close to home, Despite the past, the Love for my Father is real and strong even now with him gone. Love conquers all
    I wouldn’t be who I am today without my past…and I am proud of who I have become.
    I have overcome the pain after considering the triumph

  17. Belinda Sand says:

    WOW, what action of love you pour on your (earthly)father and for your (Heavenly)father. bless you man of God

  18. Teneil says:

    I have had those same feelings as my father was not there for us either, but I have grown to realize that no matter what he did not do I still loved him. I can say now my deceased father was an ” ROLLING STONE “.

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