Some years ago I worked for a program called Victims Assistance. Among other things, this agency dealt with the problems of domestic violence. Sometimes men mandated by the courts were required to participate in a ten week program called “Time Out”. (They either participated in the program in lieu of time served, or they went to jail). Here a ward of the court convicted of domestic violence received counseling and took classes to address the issues of anger and anger management as it related to verbal abuse and physical violence.
The violence stemming from verbal or physical abuse is appalling, numbing and tends toward being generational. Most often, I’ve heard guys say it all started when “she” said something or “she” did something. And then he would say “I couldn’t take that” or “I wasn’t gonna take that” (implied difference) and so, “I stepped up–put it in its place”.
“Sadly many people allow their behavior to be determined by what others say or do” -Janet Pfeiffer (Pfeiffer Power seminars, LLC). Somewhere along the line, the message has to get through. Your step-up (as you termed it) was actually a step back. Then there is also issue of the pronoun (it) which is alternately referring to: (1) the supposed or expected order of things (translated control); and (2) the offending person. The message of change came slower for some and for some not at all.
In the end the question remains. Who is in control of you and how you react? More to come.
Have A Great Day!